Tuesday, September 21, 2010
the feeling is back.
the same one that i had for the past 1 year and many months.
and this time round, it's much more stronger.
i dont even feel like going back..
in fact, i feel like learning an music instrument - volin.
i know it's really a joke to learn at this age of mine..
and where the hell am i going to squeeze a time out for music lessons?
really got to think hard.
but there's one thing for sure, i did not want to live my life in regrets.
i want to try all sorts of things before it's too late.
and in 'that', i guess i've reached my limits.
no matter how you going to push me, i'll still stay as i was right now.
no matter how you encourage me, i'll still stay the same as i was right now.
why dont you might as well give me up and concentrate on the potential ones?
i did not want to see any of your disappointment looks.
i did not want to laugh by the others.
i did not want to get compare with your other pro-students anymore.
because i am jingting.
i born to be this way, born to be lousy at 'it'.
is like turning a zebra into a white horse.. which means, is impossible.
i know i'm looking down at myself, feel so no confidence in myself..
but i know what's my limit and what's not.
i feel this way so much because....
i tried and tried and tried.
i want to let you see my strengths.
i want others to acknowledge my strengths.
i want others to praise my strengths.
i want you to tell others my strengths.
but what i received is..
you dismiss my strengths.
others dont even know i'm exists.
you laugh at my weakness.
you show others my weakness.
and i become to see my weakness so much that i cant see my strengths.
every time i feel so insignificant.
and do you know every time i cried on my way home just because i'm not up to your standard.
i just cant take it anymore.
why must i tolerate this that hurt my pride?
i want to forget everything that do with 'that'.
i did not want to hear anything from 'that'.
not even a word.
so i wanted to move another path.
i wanted to make new memories to replace the bad ones.
i wanted to discover any hidden talents.
and i'm sure this new skills i'm going to learn, will be a fair and square one.
PS: sorry for being so demoralised this few days.
maybe because of 'it'.
i feel so 'tainted'.
BEEP-BOOPED@
4:08 pm
welcome! (: